


You Make Me Feel So Weak

by pixiegold



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet, Cheating, Depression, Different POV's, Drabble, Exhaustion, Feelings, I think?, I'm Sorry, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Miscommunication, Past Relationship(s), Relationship(s), i dont know, so angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-31 15:20:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3983011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixiegold/pseuds/pixiegold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Natsu wasn’t supposed to be getting married, and Gray instinctively knew that more than he had ever known anything. It was like everything he had in him was yelling at him, screaming at him that it was wrong."</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Make Me Feel So Weak

Gray honestly wanted to hate Natsu for many reasons, he really did, but something inside him never quite let him. He wanted to hate him for never being able to say those words that always hovered between them, he wanted to hate him for the way he turned his back on Gray and shoved him out and pushed him away despite the heat of his hands being the only thing to warm Gray’s dead flesh. Maybe it was the way Natsu said Gray’s name as he was seeing stars that made it so Gray couldn’t hate him, or the way his back arched and his hands clenched into crumpled sheets. Maybe it was the way he stole Gray’s t-shirts and tried to cook eggs, or maybe it was the way he blushed when Gray came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him. Maybe it was the late nights and dusty afternoons they spent together wrapped in each others arms, stuck on their little island made of feather down, never wanting to leave but never having the courage to stay. Maybe it was the lack of fulfillment, maybe it was the lies and the fake smiles, maybe it was the awkward glances they shot across the guild and the way they could never say what they meant. Maybe it was the looks the others gave them and the denial, or maybe, more than anything, it was the way Gray's heart ached.

 

It always made sense that Natsu fell into Gray’s life, and later into his bed, blowing him and his mind at the same time. It made sense that Natsu was the one that fucked him up, the one who understood him and confused him so intrinsically, and on that first night Gray couldn’t stop shaking because finally he had met someone who he could love and hate all at once. But it wasn’t how life worked, and Gray had always known that really, especially when he woke up to Natsu in his borrowed boxers, and a look in the pink haired boy’s eyes that begged Gray not to say a word. So he never did, watching from the sidelines as Natsu skirted the lines with Lucy and pushed the boundaries with Lisanna, he watched as he got closer and closer to Ezra, watched him push his way into people’s life and tried to worm his way out of Gray’s. Only when Gray passed out on the sidewalk from exhaustion did he realise how much it was affecting him, and suddenly it didn’t matter anymore. He woke up in Natsu’s bed and he slowly realised that he just needed the contact, even if it was only for a little while, and when, finally, he got back into Natsu’s bed, it was like he’d never left in the first place.

 

Natsu wasn’t supposed to be getting married, and Gray instinctively knew that more than he had ever known anything. It was like everything he had in him was yelling at him, screaming at him that it was wrong. So he got a job at the same time, and desperately tried to ignored the horrified looks from Ezra and Levy, ignored the yells from Makarov and Gildarts, ignored the accusations. _How could you do that to your best friend?_ People kept asking, _how could you let him get married without a best man?_ But he bit his tongue, the truth wanting to spill out of his mouth like vomit, watching Natsu try on tuxedos and plan honeymoon’s, watching Lucy try on wedding dresses and pick out flowers, watching from the sidelines again and never once saying a word. He avoided being alone with Natsu for as long as he could, busying himself with packing and organising, until finally, eventually, they ended up alone in Gray’s apartment, staring awkwardly at the walls and trying to find the words to avoid what they were feeling. Only when Natsu closed the gap between them and pushed Gray down onto the bed like a starving man devouring his first meal, did Gray finally know it was real.

 

When he woke up to dusty skies and cherry blossom hair, he wanted to cry, he wanted to scream and yell and make ice bounce from the walls, but instead he just stood up, pulling the curtains shut as he passed the window, shutting out the separate world that carried on while they shut themselves away. He went to the shower and pretended the water streaming down his face was just the spray of the shower, and when a hot body wrapped itself around him and held him close, he turned into Natsu’s chest and cried harder than he had in years. The burning hand against his back made him feel better, the lips kissing his tears away made him want to scream, and when he looked up and saw him crying too, he finally closed the gap, kissing the love of his life for what he knew would be the last time, and desperately tried to ignore the screaming in his head that told him how wrong it was.

 

Natsu was not supposed to be getting married, and Natsu knew that more intrinsically than he had known anything else in his life. He saw the tears Gray cried, he saw the platonicness of the kisses Lucy gave him, he saw more than he admitted to and when he saw the bags under his eyes in the mirror he wanted to fall to his knees. When Ezra came to his door the morning of the wedding and saw that he hadn’t even put on his suit, stinking of Gray and cigarettes, she simply gave him a time for a train departure, and gave him a look that told him all he needed to know. He didn’t think he had run as fast in his life, heart in his throat and bare feet smacking heavily against the pavement. For once in his life he felt cold, shivering as if a snowstorm was blowing down the back of his neck and he sped up, wishing and wishing that he could get there.

 

But when he reached the train station, the train was already pulling away, steam pooling into the air like ink into water. Natsu fell to his knees in the station, head in his hands and shaking like he never had before. He wanted to scream, he had one chance, and he had blown it, letting the love of his life walk away from him like it was the easiest thing in the world. He was about to lay down right there and cry, when a hand grasped his collar and turned him, an ice cold body slamming into him and a punch colliding with his cheekbone before he could even fully turn around.

 

“You left your fiance at the altar for me!” Gray yelled, earning looks from passengers and passersby like they were the most interesting thing that had happened to them.

 

“I had to.” Natsu said simply, not even flinching at the pain spreading into his face. The sincerity of the pink haired man’s voice made Gray limp, dropping onto Natsu’s chest like his life had been sucked out of him.

 

"I know you did." Gray mumbled from the Natsu's chest, salty tears already soaking into Natsu's t-shirt.

 

Lucy took it better than they had all expected her to, a knowing look in her eyes as she nodded and started to slowly move her things into Levy's apartment. It was a painful process, more tears being shed than Gray thought was necessary and an extreme amount of dirty looks being sent in his direction. He wanted to yell at them and tell them he had had Natsu first, that Natsu was his before Lucy had even looked his way, but instead he gripped the pink haired boy's hand, a lifeline in the chaos that was the aftermath. Natsu had attempted to be strong for the first couple of weeks, moving into Gray's apartment quickly and doing small jobs, but eventually it caught up to him. He collapsed into Gray's arms sobbing one night, bags under his eyes bigger than suitcases and Gray knew it was going to be a longer process than either of them had imagined. But he couldn't find it in himself to mind.

 

But now, Gray finally had reasons to hate Natsu, like the way he never washed the dishes, and used up all the hot water in the mornings. Like the way he wore Gray's t-shirts and stole all the covers at night, and the way he held Gray's hand in public and made people stare. But he also had more reasons to love Natsu, like the way Natsu would tell Gray he loved him every night without fail, and the way he would kiss his cheek in the guild. Like the way he sometimes would come home with surprise presents because it reminded Natsu of Gray, like the way they fucked with so much passion it was like the world was ending.

 

Like the way they needed each other to breathe. Like the way they needed each other to survive.

  
Like the way they were each other's world, and they both felt exactly the same way.

**Author's Note:**

> *insert crappy fanfare here* 
> 
> hello writer's block my old friend, why do you make me write such strange and angsty things? 
> 
> anyway, I hope you liked this and as always i love love love love getting comments from you guys <3 
> 
> I'm over at be-m0.tumblr.com if you want to talk to me! uwu


End file.
